Penniless Tim

January 11, 2011

Mail Carriers Gone Wild

Filed under: College,Humor — Tim @ 2:35 pm
Tags: , ,

I’ve always vowed to write about my post office summer job (back when the next ice age was the big worry).  Since I’m now Georgia snow bound, its a good time to start.  It is a true story with a little fictitious filler – feel free to guess what is fictitious.  Now on with the story (and I still need to finish my last blog posting – what with all those snowball fights and sledding runs, those darn kids keep getting in the way)!

Christmas Lights

Georgia Snowbound

Iowa summers!  Other than Nebraska winters, can you think of a better vacation locale?  High humidity, soy beans, two big rivers, three little rivers, four lakes, five ponds, corn fields, corn husks, corn mazes, corn fed girls, bovine parasites, and unemployed college students aplenty watching corn grow.  In the summer of ’86,  I was the latter and not particularly excited by the prior when good fortune struck faster than corn in a hot air popper – the United States Postal Service Sioux City branch opted to employ my services for the summer.  Management was impressed with my hardy resume credentials:  a hardly earned 2.8 Iowa State University GPA; personal references consisting of Mom, Dad, Uncle Lyle, and a second cousin once removed who was a personal friend of the Post Master General’s first cousin once removed; an unblemished work history – Bishop’s Cafe dishwasher (promoted from pot washer after six sudsy, sweaty months); corn detasseler / bean walker (don’t ask and don’t tell); snow shoveler; Greyhound racing dog walker; study hall monitor; mower of lawns.  The Post Office’s summer hires were an eclectic group with virtually nothing in common except the ironic coincidence each had a family member employed at the Post Office.

NOTE: For some reason, my post office days always made me think of this old sketch.  I would call this video PG-13 (it is innocent – less innocent are what people are thinking).

Post Series Part II

January 7, 2011

A Hamster is leading Santa’s sleigh

Filed under: Children,Christmas — Tim @ 11:02 am
Tags: , ,

It all started the night before Christmas when nothing was stirring except a spouse.  Michelle analyzed the children gifts and determined child number one of five (Gavin, our ten year old blond headed Christmas worshiper)  was missing the wow factor.  The guitar, six pounds of chocolate, high powered telescope, and 47 other gifts were deemed as lacking oomph.  Having imbibed an adult eggnog and with several lengthy toy construction tasks lying ahead, a Grinchland (stores open on Christmas) visit was deemed inappropriate.  Michelle and I began to ‘grainstorm’ (brainstorming after a few barley pops).

Dismissing ideas such as shaving Sister Lulu (the pet dog) and telling Gavin it was a rare giant Chinese hamster, we brilliantly opted on a Pet Smart hamster gift card.  Only one small problem existed – Pet Smart was closed.  Our resident graphic designer, Michelle, took matters into her own talented hands. Plying her Macintosh, she created a faux Pet Smart gift certificate, signed by Santa, good towards a Teddy Bear hamster.  We sneaked the certificate into Gavin’s stocking and congratulated ourselves on our cleverness.

Excitement permeated the nighttime air and sleepy children were not sleepy.  The munchkins thought Christmas morning came at 1 AM;  raced to beat Santa at 3 AM; gave it a college try at 5 AM; finally made Christmas official at 7 AM with two very sleep parents.  Five children raced downstairs and began devouring wrapping paper, inhaling glitter, and sacking stocking as Mom and Dad found wakefulness in a mug, very large mug, of coffee.

With caffeinated Christmas excitement, we watched Gavin sink into his stocking, pluck out the faux certificate, read the words, and comprehend the meaning.  Opa!  Score one for Michelle and Tim’s grain brain brilliance – Gavin scored an eleven out of ten on the wow factor.

… story to be continued (trying to keep my once a week blog commitment – is this cheating?)

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